Just my thoughts
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "hollykp" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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09:39 pm
[Link] | | Your Famous Last Words Will Be: | 
"So, you're a cannibal." |
Current Mood:  pissed off
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06:07 pm
[Link] | 
Current Mood:  cold
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02:06 pm
[Link] | I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
I will not strangle my son.
It's just been one of those days. But on the bright side, I was able to put his NG Tube back in by myself.
Current Location: my living roon
Current Mood:  irritated
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04:12 pm
[Link] | I know its been forever and a day since I have have even been able to sit down and read let alone write anything here, but a broken butt and a sick baby will do that. But anyway, I just wanted to say,
Happy Mommy's Day
and for those of you who are not a mommy, please remember to call your mommy today.
Current Location: in my living room
Current Mood:  worried
Current Music: ng tube feeding pump going off
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10:38 am
[Link] | Today's question of the day:
Should I let Evan play with the cats food and work on his fine motor skills or should I save the cats food from the little drooling terror (I can only assume that is what the cats think of Evan)?
Current Mood:  amused
Current Music: baby babbles
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07:20 pm
[Link] | Some days I wonder if miracles will ever cease. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. I was the best that I have felt in months. It is a shame that the good feeling didn't last too long. The house work that I was doing today brought the icky back feeling again, but it still is not as bad as it could be.
The other day while I was at the dentist office, floating in that nice nitrous daze, I was wondering how the major life changes take place. I mean that just 4 years ago, I was always working, and if I wasn't working I was out partying. And now, I don't go much of anywhere or do much of anything. I think that the people I have not talked to in years would believe that I am the good time party girl that I was just a few years ago. But in reality, I think that we change as individuals every day. I think it's the small things that we really don't think about are the ones that really change us. Just a little bit at a time. Who ever would have thought that I would be a stay home mom? I know that I didn't. But when I start to wonder just why I stay home with Evan, he will look up at me and just smile at his mommy, just happy to see me, and that answers all of my doubts. I think that we all find those little moments that keep us doing what ever it is that we do. And life goes on...
Current Mood: hurting
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09:16 pm
[Link] | For all the hype that Friday the 13th has, today has not been to bad. I think that the worst part of today was the 3 hour drive home from the doctors. It took me 3 hours to drive 90 miles, I am just trying to remind myself that it could have been much worse. At least the doctors appointment was pretty good. She took me off the fentanyl patch and put me on a pretty high dose of mscontin. So far, the new meds are just making me tired, and that should get better over the next couple of days. I am just glad the the doctor did not want to do anymore injections for now. For once a doctor and I agree on my treatment. It was pretty nice. Oh, and the best part, was the fact that there was no wait at all at the pharmacy. That was a miracle all on its own. And I am pretty sure that Jeremy and Evan had a pretty good day with out me, granted a friend was here to give some help if it was needed, but I don't think it was. So overall, today was a good day. I think I am going to get off the computer and stop rambling now.
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: just the tv
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01:56 pm
[Link] | Well, I am not too sure just what it is that I wanted to post. I know that there wa something that I wanted to say, and now I couldn't tell you what it was to save my ass. Oh well, it will probably dawn on me when I am at the doctors or someplace else that I can not get to the computer and will have a million other things on my mind. Oh well, life goes on, with or with out us.
Current Mood:  blah
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02:52 pm
[Link] |
Ever wonder why???
Do you ever find something that you want, try and try to get it, and then once you've got it, you really are not to sure if you still want it or why you wanted it to begin with? I was just wondering.
I know I have not posted much in the last couple of weeks, and I will try to post more. But for now, I think I am gonna put Evan down for a nap and try to take one myself. For those that care, Evan is now crawling all over the place and now has a total of 4 teeth. Ok, nap time.
Current Mood: ouchies
Current Music: Evan giggling
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04:48 am
[Link] | Have you ever had a moment where you realized that one of your worst fears is actually happening? I almost had one of those moments tonight. We are getting ready to go to bed, and I always go check on Evan right before I get in to bed. Thank the gods that I did tonight. When I looked in on Evan, he was not breathing and was cyanotic. I am so glad that I can think when heavily medicated, I quickly picked him up, and he started breathing again on his own. Even though I know what to do in situations like that, I felt stupid, like I had no idea what I should be doing. He seemed fine after I picked him up, he didin't wake up, just nuzzled in and continued sleeping. For once in my life all I wanted to hear was him crying. I spend all day telling him to stop crying, and that was the only sound that I wanted to hear. I tried flicking his feet and his ears and got nothing, I am not too sure just what Jeremy did, but he got pookey butt to cry just a little bit. Evan looked straight at his daddy and just had this priceless look of "make it stop" that I almost wish I had a camera for. But after all that, after I put Evan back down, I couldn't sleep. I have been up and down all night, and I can not tell you just what I have been doing, besides checking in on little himself. And damn, I am just rambling. I think I am going to try to go to sleep again. Today is the company christmas party, and the bowling alley. It looks like they are going to want me to look after ALL the kids. That is not going to happen, I will go home first. Ok, I go beddy bye time now.
Current Mood:  sleepy
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10:31 am
[Link] | Today has already been a fun day. Today is Evan's 9 month birthday, so we had a bright and early doctors appointment. I just love getting up early and having to get my son up before he is ready to (please note sarcasm). I have to admit, I do at least like his pediatrician. She did a complete evaluation and exam, and finally agreed with me that Evan is developmentally delayed. She also pointed out to me that part of the problem we are having with Evan curling his toes so tightly (he has already shortened the ligaments in his right ankle to the point that it is hard to make his foot flat) is partially because of his intercrainal bleed. That was what I had thought, that and the fact that he was a preemie. Oh well, he could have been worse off. He is at least finally on the growth charts. We have been given a referral to physical therapy. I personally have never heard of putting a 9 month old baby into physical therapy, but hey, if it works, I am all for it. In three months I think we will be doing more developmental testing. I know that Evan is not that far behind the curve, but the fact that he is behind it bothers me some. I know that I just need to get over it and do what needs to be done. I could be wrong, but I think I am understanding some of what parents of mentally retarded children thru. I guess that I just need to get over it. Its about time to get him up and fed, again.
Current Mood: blah
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07:31 am
[Link] |  Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Friday I gave ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tiger_flip a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). In September I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In August I helped tevetorbes hide a body (-173 points). In January I turned llogui in for littering (3 points). In May I pushed scottishblossom in the mud (-17 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-164 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!
Sincerely,
hollykp |
Current Mood:  busy
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05:51 pm
[Link] | First and foremost, Happy belated Birthday Toni!! Sorry I missed it, the day I talked to you was the last day that I was able to get up and do much of anything, until today. I hope you had a good birthday and I am sorry that I missed it.
Yay, for finally feeling a little bit human again. I think I need to talk to my dear, dear husband about sharing each and every time he gets sick. Last time was not too bad, but this time got both me and Evan sick sick. Thankfully Evan is also feeling better. I think we spent 3 day in bed together. I am still trying to figure out how to be sick, be an effective mother, and not get my child sick too. I guess that I will figure it out in time.
I think I need to do some more house cleaning type stuff tonight while I can, and still have some energy. Tomorrow morning is going to be somewhat of an early morning. Tomorrow I get my epidural saddle block injection. Sounds like fun, doesn't it. Hopefully, it will help my back. I am not betting on it, but I am hoping. Oh well, let me get my ass up and doing something.
Current Mood:  sick
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10:53 am
[Link] | Well damn, I am feeling very domestic today. So far, I have managed to do a load of laundry, back a cake, and move stuff around. I was going to get a flu shot, but I think I have decided against it. I will probably change my mind tomorrow, again. Yesterday, I think I found a friend, or if not a friend, at least a babysitter. The only reason that we met was because my doctor was running an hour late. It just goes back to my thought that things happen for a reason. Oh well, I guess that I need to get off here and start getting me and Evan ready to go meet Jeremy for lunch. It doesn't happen too often, but when it does, I look forward to it. Hopefully I will get to do some shopping today before it get Jason's kids. I really need to sit down and figure out what christmas gifts that I have for whom and what else I still need to get. And I am not getting any of it done sitting here. Sometimes it is nice to have energy and not hurt like hell, and other times it is just annoying. I guess I will figure out which one it will be today later.
Current Mood: domestic
Current Music: Evan, enough said..
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09:10 am
[Link] |
damn...
Well, today has started pretty rough. We got a wake up call from Jeremy's mother letting us know that his grandfather was dying much sooner than we thought. Apparently his bowel ruptured, and he is too weak to have surgery to correct it. So now, his mom is contacting the Red Cross to try and get us home as soon as humanly possible. So if ya don't mind, please keep us and Jeremy's family in your prayers. We still don't know much in about when and where yet. I just hope that his grandfather does not suffer much. He is a great man, and does not deserve to suffer.
Current Mood: worried
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12:46 pm
[Link] | | Your Monster Profile | 
Lethal Goblin
You Feast On: Jack and Coke
You Lurk Around In: Corn Fields
You Especially Like to Torment: Republicans |
yup, its about right
Current Mood: sick
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08:20 am
[Link] |
Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary Jeremy! To quote what is on the fridge "You'll never know how much pride I hold in my heart for the person you are and the things you do, for your strength and your gentleness, your courage and determination, your accomplishments and your dreams." I love you very much and I have faith in you. I know things will get better.
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01:31 am
[Link] |
the ramblings of one who needs sleep...
Well, here it is very late at night and I should be sleeping. But can I? Of course not. I know that I am homesick, much more so than I thought I would be, and I am upset with my self for that. I know I shouldn't be, but I am anyway. I am feeling like a very horrible mother. For the last week or two, Evan has been sick and not feeling good. We have been to the doctors about it 3 times now and they really are not helping. He has gotten very demanding about wanting to be held, and when he wants to be held, I know he is tired, but he wants to move while he is being held, constantly. (sorry bout the run on sentences) This is driving me nuts. I have had to put him down and walk away a few times now to keep from hitting him. I don't want to hurt him, but I want him to stop squirming so damn much when he is being held. I put him down and he screams non stop until he is picked back up again. I know I need a break from him, but I don't see that happening anytime in the near future. The only time Jeremy even sees Evan during the week is right before Evan goes to bed, and that is only because I have kept Evan up so that he can see his daddy. On the weekends, I try to keep Evan from driving Jeremy nuts. His job is stressful enough, he doesn't need his family driving him bat shit on top of it. And frankly, I would prefer that Jeremy do some stress relieving stuff when he is off. It keeps him from snapping at me all the time. I really miss being able to call Jess, and getting to talk to an adult for a while and them getting a break from my son. I know it sounds bad, but I really do need a break from him. I am afraid that I will hurt him if I don't. But, I will be damned if I tell that to anyone. I would have CPS breathing down my neck in a heartbeat. And that I really don't need again. Shit, I really need to try to get some sleep. I have to be up early again tomorrow.
Current Mood: frustrated
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01:00 pm
[Link] | I have to admit, I love watching Evan suck on and play with his toes. To me, it is just too cute. He actually sat by himself for the first time this past week. Now if we can get him to do it some more, that would actually make me feel a little bit better. I am coming to the realization that he is somewhat developmentally delayed, and that bothers me. I don't know if it was because he was a preemie or because of his intercranial bleed. At any rate, he is learning and doing more as time goes by. Hell, at this point I would just like him to stop throwing up every thing he eats. The last time I took him to the doctors, they gave me baby Zantac to give him. It smells horrible and I can only guess just how bad it tastes. He does take it pretty well with juice, and he seems to like juice. Oh well, tomorrow, while I am down at Ft Lewis, I am going to go to the PX and see if I can find a water purifier to see if that helps some.
Tomorrow morning is going to suck ass. I have to get up at 4am so that Evan and I can leave by 5:30 to head down to Ft Lewis. I have a doctors appointment at 8am at Madigan for pain management. What normally takes 90 minutes (with no traffic) I have to do during morning rush hour. It wouldn't be quite so bad, but I have to go through Seattle. At least with Evan in the car, I can take the HOV lanes and the Express lanes. At any rate, it is going to be a long drive. The way home should not be too bad, and the Express lanes should be going the way I am at that time. At least it is not supposed to rain tomorrow, thank the gods.
Well, I guess its time to play with Evan (trying to make him sit some more) and then feed him some more.
Current Mood:  lonely
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09:46 pm
[Link] | I think I have come to the conclusion that I need to get out of the house more. Find a play group for Evan or something. Today we had a baby shower for the wife of one of the guys in Jeremys station, and the people up here are nice enough (if you don't like to be around people), but they do not seem interested in wanting to make new people feel better about being here. I know of a baby story time at the library, now I just need to get there. And apparently, Chinese food is not to be eaten in the home up here. There is no place that will deliver chinese food and the closest restaurant is 15-20 minutes away. From what I have been told, its not the best food, but its the best in the area. I know things will get better and I will eventually stop craving chinese food.
Current Mood: lonely
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